Taxpayers Funding Porn Usage

What's worse than a network admin utilizing a company's entire bandwidth to download pirated software and music?   Highly paid employees at the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission accessing pornography sites at work.  http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/27125540/detail.html

According to the article: "Many of the employees who engaged in such conduct were at a senior level and earned substantial salaries through their government employment," the OIG revealed in a summary report, noting that 17 employees had an annual salary of at least $99,356."  I don't know how many constitutes "many" so it could be 50, 100, maybe even in the thousands.  Do the math.

I think what makes me more frustrated than anything is that none of these people were fired.  However, I'm sure they all parted their hair on the correct side and gave stellar answers to their "Where do you see yourself in five years?" interview questions.

Sure gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that my tax dollars are "hard" at work.

Things Not To Say To Someone Who's Just Been Laid Off (or Fired)

Ran across this article today - "5 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Was Just Laid Off" - and thought I'd add my own to the list.  http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/2011/03/02/5-things-say-just-laid/

1. Your house is always such a mess - now you have time to clean!

2. Have you thought about selling your kids to the circus?

3. You'll probably lose weight now since you won't be able to afford groceries.

4. If you dye your hair blond, you'll have a better chance at getting a new job. (http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2011/02/24/are-you-built-to-make-big-bucks/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7Cdl11%7Csec1_lnk3%7C46465)

5. You'll probably only have to compete with maybe a hundred people for every position now that unemployment is down to between 9 and 10%.

If you're such a boorish clod that you can't say anything encouraging or positive, your newly-laid-off friend, relative, or spouse has every right to rip your arm off and beat you with it.

Let's Celebrate Our Progression In The Workplace!

Because if you're not tall, male, blond, married,

of Russian descent, or a non-smoker,

you have to do whatever you can to get a job.

It's Not Discrimination, It's Science!

I ran across this article, "Are You Built To Make Big Bucks," on aol.com:
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2011/02/24/are-you-built-to-make-big-bucks/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7Cdl11%7Csec1_lnk3%7C46465

Basically the article claims that there are attributes and physical characteristics that employers favor.  If you haven't choked on your dinner by the time you get to the end of 10 multiple choice questions, you can calculate your score to see how big of a loser you are.

This list is one of the most repulsive and blatantly prejudicial I've ever read.  If employers really are using the "reasons" listed in this article, it's illegal, or borderline illegal, and definitely unethical.  The height question smacks of HANDICAP/DISABILITY, RACIAL/ETHNIC, and SEX DISCRIMINATION.  Blond hair or bald?  RACIAL/ETHNIC and AGE DISCRIMINATION, and possibly HANDICAP/DISABILITY DISCRIMINATION.  Is your face weathered and wrinkled?  AGE DISCRIMINATION.  Asking if women wear makeup to work?  Duh! SEX DISCRIMINTATION.  The Ancestry question is RACIAL/ETHNIC DISCRIMINATION as well as ridiculous.  How on earth would anyone know if a person was of Russian descent unless they asked?  They forgot obese, ugly, stupid, cleft palate or lisp, lazy eye, and handicapped.

Whatever happened to hiring the most qualified candidate?

Best Bosses

Since I posted my worst bosses, I need to post a list of my best bosses.  Every one of my best bosses were intelligent & knowledgeable, fair and professional, and none of them were micromanagers.  Another common thread: They all were willing to work, to get into the "trenches" if necessary.

Claire: She was my boss when I worked for Gemco.  Claire was intelligent, had a great sense of humor, and was level-headed.

Bob: Loved to joke around, was a lot of fun, and was almost like a brother.  Bob gave me great reviews & raises and was always objective with everything.

Greg: He had accidentally shot the tip of his finger off when he was a kid.  Greg was a great boss, had a wonderful sense of humor, and was very wise.

Jeff: Actually had a degree in rocket science, gave me my first opportunity in Telecom even though I had no experience.  Was the only person I've ever seen who could accurately sum up a person within 5 minutes of speaking with them, and would utilize people's strengths rather than focusing on their weaknesses.

Scott C.: One of the best teachers I've ever seen, had a great sense of humor, and though he didn't know much about my job, he let me use my expertise and I could ask questions of him when I needed help.  Gave me some of the best job reviews I've ever had & got me some of the biggest raises I've ever had.

Cindy:  She was actually above Scott C., and also had a great sense of humor.  She let me do my job without hovering over me and checking up on me.  If I made recommendations, both Scott and Cindy listened to them, and if we could find a way to implement them, we would.

Scott R.: Was the kind of guy who was genuinely admired & liked by everyone.  Very knowledgeable and more than capable.

Cheryl & Kathy & Shelly:  Always cheerful, always positive, always helpful.  Cheryl gave me one of the best reviews I've ever had & promoted me soon afterward.

Craig: Very intelligent, knowledgeable and experienced, didn't micromanage me, and I could always speak honestly with him.  Gave me great reviews and raises.

Serina & Jason: Both had a great personality, very knowledgeable, would help but not hover.  Encouraging and positive.

Worst Bosses

Here's a list of the worst bosses I've ever had and why:

Ivan: He and his wife used to dress alike (e.g., white shirt with denim shorts, hawaiian print shirt with white pants, etc.).  You've seen these dorks.  In retrospect, Ivan was insecure (hence why he dressed to match his wife) and so had to prove his "manhood" by insulting women.  He'd make cracks about how stupid I was, or he'd stand next to me when I was bent over to pick something up and say, "Do a friend a favor..." As if.

Joann:  Was sleeping with, and broke up the marriage of, one of the Vice Presidents, and got mad at me because I said I thought that Vice President was grumpy.  How was I supposed to know she was sleeping with him?  And he was grumpy!  Joann was one of those women who had gotten through life on their looks, but now that she was in her forties, her insecurities were really showing.

Jama: My supervisor when I was a computer operator.  Jama made statements like, "All PCs are mainframes, really."  Jama thought the best path to promotion was by looking cute and "doing a friend a favor."

Dave:  Didn't hire me for a desktop publishing position because I "wasn't qualified" but did hire me for an office position.  However, he then asked me to train the MAN he did hire for the desktop publishing position.  Dave spent his entire day flirting with one of the office girls by telling her he used to be with the CIA, FBI, and had been in Vietnam.  Dave wasn't very bright.

Andrea:  Informed everyone within 5 minutes of meeting them that she "had a degree."  I guess she didn't want anyone thinking she was a bimbo, even though she wore tight, short skirts.  I asked her if she'd gone to the Dan Quayle School of Spelling after I noticed she misspelled potato. Soon afterward, she gave me one of the worst job reviews I've ever had, then was mad when I disputed it.

Gary:  I was a Telecom Specialist, but he continually asked me if I wanted to be his secretary and would ask me "woman" questions.  I guess he thought I was fair game since I was the "token" woman in the IT department.  He refused to hire any other women, telling the women he interviewed: "...we already have a woman in the department."  I filed a complaint against him because he gave me the lowest annual bonus in the department - even though he himself bragged that I got more compliments than everyone else in the department combined.  Of course HR came back and said there was no discrimination, although he was fired after their investigation.

Shayne & Jeremiah, aka Beavis & Butthead:  It would be difficult to pinpoint two more unprofessional and unqualified persons during my entire working life.  They were immature bullies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workplace_bullying)  who would sit in their office giggling and repeating buzzwords and buzz-phrases like, "Cool, cool." "It's all good." "My peeps!".  Perfect example of two people who should NEVER have been promoted to any position of authority, but the department Director refused to admit he'd made a mistake.  I was laid off shortly after I filed a 17-page complaint against Beavis & Butthead, which I did mainly because Jeremiah - who kicked and punched expensive IT equipment whenever he would have one of his tantrums - was getting more and more aggressive towards me, punching my cubicle walls and the back of my chair, and threatening to fire me because he suspected I was looking for another job and wouldn't admit it to him.

Jaynee:  Where do I begin?  Jaynee got her "management" position because she married the director of the department after breaking up his previous long-term marriage - oh, and because she dressed like a streetwalker.  She was unprofessional, and had no discernible skills, education, or experience.  Jaynee's one of those middle-aged women who act like they're still in high school and always have to have a "posse" of other women because they can't stand on their own two feet.  I made a naive observation that neither she nor her underlings were necessary, but since she had to constantly justify her existence, I became her target.

Brent and Mark:  Brent was a control-freak, micro-managing CIO, which was curious because he was barely capable of powering on his own PC.  Mark was a hyperactive, smelly little cockroach whose only skill was regurgitating buzzwords and buzz-phrases like, "You can't backup data that doesn't exist!" "It is what it is!" and "Manage their expectations!"  Two more examples of people who should not have been in their positions, but management didn't want to admit they'd made a mistake in hiring or promoting them.  Great reasons to keep imbeciles in their six-figure salary positions.

Employers or Children?

It’s time for employers to start acting like adults and not like spoiled, sadistic 3-year-olds. Case in point: During one of my recent interviews, the manager, ostensibly to test my “troubleshooting” skills, told me he was thinking of an object in the room and that I had up to 20 questions to determine what that object was. My first thought was, “Is this person supposed to be on medication?” Obviously this employer was not right for me – or anyone else in their right mind.  Another example is when I interviewed three (3) times for a potential employer, but never heard from them again.  A month or so later, I got a call from a recruiter asking if I'd be interested in interviewing FOR THAT COMPANY!  I informed the recruiter that I wouldn't interview or work for that company for all the money in the world.  How unprofessional is that company that they can't be bothered to send a "thanks but no thanks" letter or email to someone who wasted their time on 3 interviews.

***UPDATE: As of March 4, 2011, I have been called no less than 3 times to interview AGAIN with the company whose manager thought playing 20 questions was a great way to determine a candidate's qualifications.  In less than two years, the company has lost at least 2 or 3 employees in the position I interviewed for, which I'm sure is a direct reflection on this ditzy manager.***

If I am to believe all of the job seeker newsletters I get, employers are either collectively smoking crack or are dangerously schizophrenic. The latest recommendation I read said to not appear willing to take any job, but another newsletter advises to apply for any and all openings and modify my cover letter and resume to fit the job. It’s gotten so ludicrous that The Onion did a hilarious piece in July regarding unemployment (here): http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-unemployment-high-because-people-keep-blowi,17803/

One article advises to include a quote in my cover letter to make it stand out. How about, "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on," by Dean Martin; or this one from Albert Einstein, "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." I figure I can't go wrong with a quote from Albert Einstein.

I’m also hearing a lot of hype about “social networking presence” and how we shouldn’t post anything that we don’t want an employer to see. Are employers really so controlling or paranoid that they care that much about what an employee says, whether it's about them or not?

Pre-interview advice: "Don't job hop," then "Don't stay at one employer too long." What constitutes too long? A year? Two years? Is it like my biological clock, where my hormones begin to overtake me if I'm at the same employer for too long? "Prepare," but "Don't be too prepared," "Don't assume they read your resume," which tells me they are interviewing "salespeople" who simply are good at convincing the interviewer they can do the job, regardless of whether they really can or not. The one pre-interview tip I've always had problems with: "Research the company." Does it really matter to a secretary or a security guard or a PC specialist what the company does? Would a janitor clean the toilets more thoroughly for one employer than another? The only time it matters is in the interview, and all it really proves is that I can read or that I can play their silly game.

Interview advice runs the gamut: Be prepared to answer the, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" question (to which I always want to say, "Employed."), “Don’t wear too big of a diamond ring,” “Be early,” “Don’t be too early,” “Don’t look up (or down or right or left) because the interviewer will think you’re lying,” to “Don’t fold your arms,” “Don’t sit on the edge of the chair because you’ll look nervous,” "Sit with your back pressed against the chair and don't lean forward because you'll appear desperate," and, by God, "Watch your facial expressions," because they can telegraph your thoughts. In other words, if an interviewer asks you a dim-witted question, try not to look like you just bit into an earwax-flavored jelly bean.

Post-interview advice: Be a “pest” and “follow up, follow up, follow up,” “Don’t be a pest, follow up but don’t call so much you tie up their phone lines,” “Send a formal thank you letter,” “Send a hand-written thank you note,” “Send a thank you email.” No word yet on whether or not a small gift of cash or jewelry is acceptable.

Whatever happened to hiring the most qualified person for the job? Why are we buying into these stupid games? All this advice tells me that I need to act like a robot and if the interviewer likes me and I'm the best bullshitter, I'm going to get the job.

Bottom line: Until the economy improves, or we all come to our senses, we will have to put up with this nonsense – but that doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of it.